i’m really very sorry for my bad attitude on thursday.  i ended up having a very nice time at hume.  i pretended to be a tough girl and hauled loads of pine needles up to the dump.  and on sunday i got woken up by my second-little-brother pounding on the door and saying “it’s snowing and we almost ate all your cinnamon rolls,” the first part of which was true and the second part of which wasn’t really, since i still ate two rolls.  i got to meet new people and have awesome conversations with old friends.  

i also ate like a hog all weekend.  i tend to do that at hume.

anyways, i had a very good memorial day weekend even if i did miss senior girls’ night.  to be honest what hurts the most isn’t that i missed this particular party.  what i worry about is the fact that i don’t feel like i have a “graduating class.”  i sort of expect it, since i’m homeschooled, but it still makes me feel…weird.  lonely?  not exactly, but close.  i’ve been really all over the board about graduating, moving out, and going to university this semester, and i have no idea if that’s normal or not, because i don’t feel like i have anyone to talk to.  my parents and i decided not to have me graduate with my ISP for a lot of reasons and i went to exactly one senior event with them.  i’m not really friends with anyone in that group except Meri, Jamie, and Ethan, who i see in other groups anyway.  the one class i take at STAR is made of one 10th grader, fourteen 11th graders, and one senior.  ahem, me.

so then i have the seniors in my theater group.  i love them all.  a lot.  and i know most of them better than all the kids in my would-be graduation ceremony.  and i wouldn’t trade my theater graduation for anything in the world.  but then, i feel like they’re not really a “graduating class.” because we get pretty much one “senior event,” and i managed to miss it.  it’s like we’re all seniors, but we’re not…The Seniors.  if that makes sense. that’s how it feels to me, at least.  and i can talk to a few of them about how graduating makes me feel…Mishe tends to get a full brunt of it, but i hear about everything she feels too, that’s just how best friends are.

um, i can’t even think how to wrap this all up.  but i guess i’ll just say: sometimes i think i must not be normal because i feel so much.  and then i give someone a hug and it’s a good day.

this has been a post.